God answers prayers, He does

About 5 years ago, a weeping mess sitting in a counselor’s office I cried out that there should be more help, more resources for people who have been involved with accidental death. Three years ago I started a podcast to offer a safe place for stories of hope, resources, and always point people to Jesus. A year ago I was watching a Red Table Talk about anxiety, I started following the show. I told the Lord this is a place that would do justice with the topic of being a CADI (Causing Accidental Death or Injury). In this  conversation I said I am willing go where he leads, share with whoever he brings in my path and give glory to him.  I did not have any other focus other than to share of his goodness. On November 4th, one month after the 5 year anniversary of my accident I flew to Las Angeles and met one of my heroes, Dr. Maryann Gray.  She and I were invited to the Red Table Talk. In this moment God answered 2 prayers to meet the person who had the courage to start Accidental Impacts and to speak on behalf of CADIs on Red Table Talk.

I am speechless. I am in such awe. The whole trip was beautiful and exciting. And not that I deserved any of this, God answered another prayer. I met one of my CADI friends that lives outside of LA and she drove to have breakfast with me. Hugging Laura instead of just telling her how someday we will get to hug in person, really happened. Many tears and prayers we have shared.

On the trip home my Uber driver opened up after learning why I was traveling that he too was a CADI.  Long ago when he was an off duty police officer a mentally impaired man threw himself in front of his car. He said, ” I had to call my Sargent to come to the scene.” It was hard but it wasn’t his first time attending an accident scene. He said he never shares that obviously as he now drives people for a living. His name was Kim.  I sat in the back seat listening while he took me from the hotel to the airport in the infamous 405 traffic, and once again I knew all the steps down to every detail were ordained. How can I not feel so incredibly close to the Lord and his goodness and these divine coincidences? These are things that either you stand in wonder with me or think I am a crazy liar. That’s okay, I know the truth and so people thinking I am crazy or making it up does not offend me one bit!

I am an ordinary person who wildly loves the Lord and miracles abound. Do I still have hard days? Of course, we battle everyday with lots of junk I don’t always share, but that 100% does not change the goodness of God.  The journey to CA is one of the most treasured experiences of my life and I am grateful! Ephesians 3:20, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

 

Motherhood + Trauma = Incredible Strength

We wanted to crawl in a hole and sit in the chaos. We wanted to turn off noise and demands and tasks, but we couldn’t! We wanted to give up, run away and turn back time, but all were impossible. We wanted to protect our children from the pain of this new reality and the pain of watching us crumble. We had to be strong when we didn’t feel it.

This is motherhood.

Hard.

Worth it!

I want to thank the women who were involved in this project, including my own mother! (I love you mom! )

Grab a notebook and a tissue, no matter what trauma you are facing there is wisdom in these stories, may the Holy Spirit soften your heart and minister to us through their stories.

2 Part Series

The Truth Will Set You Free

Courage is the most important of all virtues, because without courage, you cannot practice any of the other virtues consistently.” ~Maya Angelou

Maya is one of the greatest souls to ever walk this earth, I had the privilege to see her read poetry in Dallas many years ago. I giddy in a packed room listening to every lingering word that she spoke. She had a presence about her and a different pace in how she articulated that set her apart. In her lifetime she shared many amazing and painful events in her life. Her transparency is only one aspect of her tremendous courage. I can’t begin to imagine the tasks she tackled and triumphed personally and professionally. For damn certain she was called, equipped and she did it scared!

I know why the caged bird sings…

When you are locked in your head and trapped inside yourself you feel like a caged bird. I didn’t know how good it would feel to release my truth into the world until I did it. I was terrified but I realized letting in free nothing had power anymore. No one could hurt me worse than I felt and so I literally had nothing to lose.

I responded to a project found on Accidental Impacts for a journalist from The New Yorker. Out of the thousands that could have been chosen, Alice Gregory selected a few for her research. From the floor of my closet I spilled my heartbreak, regret and bad words to a complete stranger. When I gave every detail, fear and frustration about “the accident” I felt a weight was lifted. I felt slightly freer.

Followed by crazy anxiety that maybe my details crossed a line or perhaps this would become a big mess, but to this day I do not regret sharing my truth with the world and being a small voice of an emerging community calling out from the shadows of guilt and shame.

Went and picked up this copy for $10 that was later ruined by spilled coffee

Link to the full article here.

Link to episode where I follow up with Alice. Episode Season 1 Episode 18.

The second crazy thing I did that started this whole crazy ride was another project, a new podcast concept called “What Was That Like.”

Again I did something I have never done before and I was so very scared to show my wounds to the world because at that time they weren’t scars. I had not even felt the reality of the first anniversary. But keeping it in was also destroying me, so I did it scared.

Graphic credit Scott Johnson

I didn’t realize that speaking out would help me find a community that has blessed my life incredibly. I am thankful for every sacred story shared with me and the pain that bonds us. I care deeply for complete strangers from all over the world. I am grateful. Humbled. These “projects” were catalysts for a calling God was calling out in me.

Hebrews 13:21

May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen